Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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