I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
