We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
