we have officially mastered the walk of shame
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
