dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
