Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just invented taco cereal.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
