By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
this hospital has no fireball
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
