I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
