stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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