Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i came on her dog
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
