took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
