textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
