i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
