New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I will pee on everything he values.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
