They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
