Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
