Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
