my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
then he tried to convert me to islam
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
