he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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