I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
