They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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