I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
