I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
