Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
