Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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