I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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