I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
