I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
