So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
