Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
