If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
