How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
