He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
