New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
