waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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