Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
