It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
