I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
