end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
