yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
