I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
