I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
