i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
