I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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