People in love make me want to vomit
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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