This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
