im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
