Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
