can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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