I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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